After graduating college I was mentally and physically exhausted. As fun as my last 2 years were, they were also lots of hard work. So I took a break. 6 weeks into my break I was itching to do more and had no luck finding anything. By the end of the summer, I was miserable.
I didn't have a job, I wasn't returning to school, I hadn't planned out life after college and I was just going through the motions at church. I attended nearly every Sunday but I didn't feel involved or that I mattered, and I didn't care to try. Apathy is something I often struggle with ... I become frustrated then apathetic and never actually fix the problem.
I tried turning things around, nothing worked. I was ready to give up and finally prayed. I prayed that I'd find something, anything to help. It took a little while but God answered. My sister got me a job at the smoothie shop next to the salon where she works.
It helped, but it wasn't enough - I needed more. Around that time, the college/young adult age began pushing for something in the church. I think the younger college students may have begun to feel as Kristin and I did - that Encounter wasn't for our age group - and felt out of place. I felt this was something I could get involved in; somewhere I could be of use to Christ ... but it wasn't coming together like we'd hoped.
Actually, one of the problems my family has been facing so far this year turned out to be my blessing in disguise. Because of it we attended a service where my brother's girlfriend's parents were giving their testimony. I liked the atmosphere so I went with Erik and Keri to the church service the next Sunday evening and enjoyed it. While there, I got a card for their college group.
I also hung out with a friend from church I hadn't hung out out with in a while and told him how much I wanted a college group to start. He passed that along to another friend, who approached me the Sunday after I'd gone to the CCV college group. I invited both of them to the CCV college service and it excited us. We decided to start the group ourselves. I talked to Kristin and she agreed. The four of us felt the same need in the church - the same need for ourselves.
After making the decision we met up and came up with specifics before meeting with our pastor and youth pastor. They approved and encouraged us.
I also got a better job which I start Monday!
I've come to realize one thing I'm not good at is keeping my daily relationship with Christ. I get easily caught up in my own head and think I need to do everything myself, but once I gave that up to Christ and was willing to listen to His will things started working out.
No, it's not perfect, and yes, I am still struggling with many other things but God used my recent stress and hard times to bring me closer to Him. And things are looking up.
I know I'm always talking about how music speaks to me but I believe my turning point was when I was in that small service before Keri's parents spoke and heard "The Desert Song".
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is a God Who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness and trial and pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and he is here
I was blown away by these lyrics at a time I felt lost and dry and helpless. I think God uses things that we relate too most to bring us to Him.
So things aren't set in stone and they're far from perfect, but I'm feeling better and more fulfilled than I have in quite a while.
I really need to work on shortening these posts.
'Nuff Said,
Crysania
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