A Dose of Humility

Sorry about not posting. I really do want to keep this up but i've been sick lately and just haven't had the energy.

At the beginning of the day I was worried most about the fact that I had to open at my new job and didn't know where the light switch was, but by the end of the day (now) I'm comtemplating something so much bigger; much bigger than me.

I realized that so many moments led to the one that happened a few hours ago. I was sitting on a couch in a stranger's house discussing something that will change my family, really change us.

It hit me that we were really going to finally discuss the giant elephant living in my house for months and all I could think about was how I needed to be open and have the right mindset. So, as I often do, I went looking for the right song ... and the one that hit me truly surprised me.

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss
Lead me the the cross, where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees Lord I lay me down"

I really wasn't expecting to find so much comfort in these words but once I listened to the song (out of many I searched through) it stuck; I couldn't get the words out of my head.

And when I thought about it, that's what I needed. I didn't need a song about finding strength or being stronger ... I needed to be humbled and open because I don't know what's going to happen now. Things are going to be taking a sharp turn in my famiy and it's all happening very fast, but that's why I need to stop and look for God's will in this situation.

I don't know how this will all work out, and it scares me. It scares me that I've enabled the situation and, in turn, added to the hurt dealing with this is going to cause ... but that's where my faith keeps me going. That's why a song I hadn't heard in a few months stopped me dead in my tracks.

I'm not the best Christian. I'm hypocritical and have a bad mouth and can be bitter and I don't really like people in general and I talk myself out of sharing my faith ... I have lots of areas to improve ... but God still loves me ... He still loves my family and if I take a step back and allow myself to be led I think things will turn out eventually. Egos will have to be broken and the road will be hard, but I can do this because, no matter what, I'm not alone.

I know I rambled more than usual today but I just needed to get these thoughts out. As you can tell, I had a rough day and my family is going to have do something none of us really want to but we need to do. It's scary and I needed to get my thoughts out.

I promise not all my entries will be so "preachy" but I felt I really had to write a blog now (yeah, at 2 am.).

'Nuff Said,
Crysania