"Though I know I'll Never Lose Affection For People and Things That Went Before"

So today is my best friend's birthday. Happy Birthday Kristin! Ha, you are now 24 and old like me!

Today is my best friend's birthday, Friday is my nephew's birthday ... I've already missed one of my niece's birthdays, my mom's, dad's and cousin Darnell's birthdays. These are all people I am close to. I hate not being near to celebrate or not being able to send gifts yet. Today, it bummed me out.

I wanted to talk to them, to see them, to give them a present and eat some ice cream or cake or ice cream cake but I can't. I've yet to make any real friends here as well. I was told that part would be difficult but when I stop to think about it, I miss already having friends close by. 

I really like my job. I like the kids, I enjoy the classes, I think the teacher's are very nice and helpful. I come home everyday tired but in a good mood. But sometimes, when I see that barrier of not only language but the one from not being at one school all the time and being familiar with your co-workers, I feel isolated.

I've taken 2 Intercultural Communications classes so I know mentally what I'll be going through, but really feeling isolated and really missing home is different. It's hard to be somewhere new when you love where you came from. 

But still, I feel like I'm supposed to be here and the good is outweighing the bad. It's challenging and some days I feel very alone, but during the course of the day I often get a "pick-me-up" from my kids. I get a "Crys-sensei! Asobimashoo (Play with us)!" or a little group yelling "Hi Crys-sensei!" from down the hall or have a particularly fun class and I can't help but feel blessed for this experience. 

The lonliness does come and go and I know it will continue to as I have only been here a couple of months. I don't think that's a bad thing though. I'm lucky to have people I love and miss so much. People who supported me and send me e-mails and Facebook messages or stay up until 1:15am to talk to me via Skype.

The title line is from "In My Life" by The Beatles. It doesn't totally go with what I'm saying but I love the song. So here it is:

 'Nuff Said,
Crysania

"It's Still Far From Over"

There is so much and yet so little to say.

I have been going through my TEFL classes and looking to schools to apply to. I contacted Job Placement Assistance and I must say Traci was awesome. She really helped me get an international resume and cover letter together. I had so much trouble writing a cover letter for people who may not speak much English. I wanted to be creative and witty like my CSUF Counseling Center Advisor said but you have to be very direct with these schools. It took me 3 tries to get it.

When I was doing that I had a really tough time. I felt useless, stupid and unmotivated in my course work and the possibility of finding a teaching job.

In the midst of my near depression 2 things happened. First, my adorable nephew craved my attention. He crawled on me and bugged me until I would let him on my lap then took my glass and did this:

 He said, "I Ania, I typing." Yes, he calls me Ania (aw-nya). I had talked to him about doing work so I could go far away so he pointed to the computer screen and says "I go here. I go far away" then happily pounded on my keyboard. After snapping the picture with my phone I grabbed him and squeezed him. I love that kid

Right after that I heard the song Stall Out by MUTEMATH. It's a song I think can be easy to listen to without paying attention to it  but I really heard the lyrics:

Racing on a fault line, Bracing for a landslide
Conscious of everything getting harder, As the race goes underwater

I keep stalling out
I just can't keep up
There's alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around 
to convince me
It's still far from over

Hearing that made me feel so much better. "It's still far from over."

And now I realize that is true. I have my first interview to be an Assistant Language Teacher at a public school near Tokyo! I'm nervous, excited and encouraged. I know one interview may not equal a job but it's a start and now I just need to let God take control. Well, and, you know, be prepared.

'Nuff Said,
Crysania