I'm excited and scared. I'm happy but sad. I'm ready but I'm not.
Accepting the contract is one thing, and leaving is another. This is what I want and I've been thinking it's something God means to have happen in my life. I need to go out and grow up. I need more experience and want to throw myself into the unfamiliar ... but it's uncharted water. It's feels scarier than it is because it is new.
And there is a lot about home I will miss.
I will miss my family (most of whom live relatively close by) and my friends. I'm really going to miss my best friend Kristin. I have no idea what I'll do without her. I'm going to miss Dodger games and birthdays and going to a pub or brewery with my cousins. Now that I've made this decision it's all hitting me.
Why am I doing this? Is it really meant to be or just a confused desire? Am I really even good enough to teach these kids?
When I pray about it, I have a peace about my decision. That makes me think I should be okay ... but then things come up and I think "oh, I'm going to miss that," or "oh yeah, I won't be there", or "crap, what if they don't think I'm a good teacher".
I guess there's more to taking a giant leap out of your comfort zone than I was ready for. I mean, I knew it would be tough and different but I've never gone this far out of the zone before.
As I draw closer to my leave date I'm sure I'll continue fluctuating - I'm sure it will be that way up until I'm in Japan. It'll probably be that way until I get used to being there.
This is different for me. That's for sure.
'Nuff Said,
Crysania
No comments:
Post a Comment