2010 is shaping up not to be very kind. I really hope this does not continue.
It's probably been the most stresssful month in quite a while actually ... and I'm glad tomorrow is the last day.
I dislike my job more and more each day. They said they needed help with housekeeping in the salon so I said I'd do it for a couple weeks but it's becoming increasingly clear that they want me to stay over there. There are more hours than at the smoothie shop but it's crappy work. And my bosses ... well, they're annoying. They're sneaky and come with way too much drama. I hate drama. Plus they make a lot of promises they can't keep and just do things that don't make much sense ... I just don't want to be there. It takes a lot of effort to go in to work ... I've only worked one other job where it got to be this tough to go in, and I was lucky enough to only start experiencing that right before I had to quit for school. I guess after being in a job I loved it's just gotten harder to accept a job I don't like ... but at least it's a job.
My family is going through a lot right now ... and my other niece is just making things worse. She's 17 ... she's still very much a child and she's trying to get involved in things that are none of her business or that she doesn't have the facts about and be an adult. She's not an adult, she's a spoiled child who says hurtful things without regaurd for the people she hurts. It's annoying. What it comes down to is my older brother's mom hates my dad. She's hated him since he left her in the 70s and she's never let him, or consequently sometimes my mother and us, forget it. She kept a lot of things from us and often says things to my nieces that aren't entirely true to make him look bad. I really didn't believe this at first, but I've seen and heard things that reinforce the theory. The fact that my niece can be so mean also adds to it; she won't even give my parents the benefit of the doubt and lumps me and my brother in just because she can. It hurts. A lot.
There are other things too but January has been quite annoying.
However, there are always silver linings!
I FINALLY bought a ticket to see Muse. Kristin was online, saw they were playing in Vegas for a decent price and jumped on it! We're going April 10!!
Also I just finished a really good book! Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller is really good. It's about this trip from Texas to Oregon that he and a friend took when they were 21 in a VW hippie van. It's beautifully written and has some awesome points about what he learned about himself, God, spirituality and life in general. After I read Blue Like Jazz a friend recommended this book. Miller is really the only Christian author I can really get behind. His style of writing isn't so pretentious. You feel like you're having a conversation with a person, not being talked at or preached to. Plus, a lot of the ways he looks at things or thinks about spirituality I can relate to. I really like him. I also bought Searching for God Knows What from him but I let someone borrow it since I was starting Through Painted Deserts but I haven't gotten it back yet.
Anyways, I just wrote a whole lot about not very much. I think I should stop now.
'Nuff Said,
Crysania
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Playing Just to Play
I didn't have internet for a while. That sucked. I had to go to Barnes and Noble to get online and between my niece and myself I never had time to update, though I have thought about it. It's the thought the counts, right?
Anyways, I thought of something during this weekend. On Saturdays I am sometimes a gym manager for CSL (Christian Sports League) Basketball at my church. I basically run the scoreboard, make sure spectators follow our gym rules, pay refs, collect money from teams and do the official book if a team doesn't have someone. I first learned how to do basketball stats when I was in 8th grade. Since my friend Sara and I were had been playing a while the high school guys coach decided we knew the rules well enough to learn how to run the table and got our moms (who were running the table at the time) to teach us. It was exciting for us. We were at all the games anyways so it gave us something more to do. I can run a scoreboard, keep a book and run a shot clock. Since I've been doing it so long I like doing it on the side to make a little extra cash.
Back to the original subject, though.
CSL is basically teams of mostly older men (mostly 30s-40s or older, with a few my age to late 20s) who really love to play basketball. Alot of them are out of shape, sweaty and hairy and, for the most part, pretty gross ... and they all think they are Kobe - just like they were in there prime. Don't get me wrong, some of the guys are pretty good and at least one or two played some college ball, but in general ... let's just say it can be fun to watch. But there's this one older man I really enjoy watching.
He's the kind of old man who is really difficult to ever picture being young. Alot of players you I can picture younger, - shave a few pounds here, get rid of some gray hairs or wrinkles there and see the "baller" they once were, but not this guy. He's at least mid-50s or older and kind of reminds me of the Monopoly man with more of a gut. He's sweet and has a pretty nice shot when he manages to get open, but what I love about watching him is how absorbed he is in the game. He comes to the games not in shorter "old man" shorts but in sort of baggy gym shorts and nice Nikes like most younger guys and runs up and down the court with surprising vigor - he evens gets in a foul or two sometimes. He runs the team and cheers or coaches from the bench, making sure everyone gets good playing time - this man just loves basketball.
I'd seen him play many times before, but it just hit me as I sat there watching him - this is why I love sports so much.
I've never been huge into following professional cricuits closely but I love to watch most sports. I love to see grown men and women turn into 10-year-olds again when they win a big game or make a great play. Whether it's watching a 40-year-old man's eyes light up when he hits a shot or seeing a team of professional athletes rush a kicker who just got them in to the Superbowl (yes, I watched the Saints game today. Still going to be cheering on the Colts though) there's just something fascinating to me about sports.
I don't play basketball much anymore -to be honest, I was a pretty average player in my opinion but I got a lot of playing time and had fun - but that's how I feel when I play volleyball. I love it when a hitter smashes a good set or I make a tough save. Sometimes my competitive nature gets in the way and I lose sight of why I still play, but one play can put things into perspective.
With sports media, pros dating pop stars and actresses, trade deadlines, steroids and salary hassles it's sometimes difficult to remember why we even watch in the first place. It's easy to get frustrated with the pro sports world and to even want to stop watching. But then those magic moments happen and all the other stuff goes away. You see these professional athletes become that old man who is happy making one basket or the 10-year-old who wanted to do their favorite thing for the rest of his/her life.
Watching that man reminded me of that. I don't know if there was a real point to all of this other than sometimes I get inspiration from unexpected places. I'd been sitting on the bench for almost 3-hours when I saw him play and it just made me smile. It made me smile and I wanted to write it down.
'Nuff Said,
Crysania
Anyways, I thought of something during this weekend. On Saturdays I am sometimes a gym manager for CSL (Christian Sports League) Basketball at my church. I basically run the scoreboard, make sure spectators follow our gym rules, pay refs, collect money from teams and do the official book if a team doesn't have someone. I first learned how to do basketball stats when I was in 8th grade. Since my friend Sara and I were had been playing a while the high school guys coach decided we knew the rules well enough to learn how to run the table and got our moms (who were running the table at the time) to teach us. It was exciting for us. We were at all the games anyways so it gave us something more to do. I can run a scoreboard, keep a book and run a shot clock. Since I've been doing it so long I like doing it on the side to make a little extra cash.
Back to the original subject, though.
CSL is basically teams of mostly older men (mostly 30s-40s or older, with a few my age to late 20s) who really love to play basketball. Alot of them are out of shape, sweaty and hairy and, for the most part, pretty gross ... and they all think they are Kobe - just like they were in there prime. Don't get me wrong, some of the guys are pretty good and at least one or two played some college ball, but in general ... let's just say it can be fun to watch. But there's this one older man I really enjoy watching.
He's the kind of old man who is really difficult to ever picture being young. Alot of players you I can picture younger, - shave a few pounds here, get rid of some gray hairs or wrinkles there and see the "baller" they once were, but not this guy. He's at least mid-50s or older and kind of reminds me of the Monopoly man with more of a gut. He's sweet and has a pretty nice shot when he manages to get open, but what I love about watching him is how absorbed he is in the game. He comes to the games not in shorter "old man" shorts but in sort of baggy gym shorts and nice Nikes like most younger guys and runs up and down the court with surprising vigor - he evens gets in a foul or two sometimes. He runs the team and cheers or coaches from the bench, making sure everyone gets good playing time - this man just loves basketball.
I'd seen him play many times before, but it just hit me as I sat there watching him - this is why I love sports so much.
I've never been huge into following professional cricuits closely but I love to watch most sports. I love to see grown men and women turn into 10-year-olds again when they win a big game or make a great play. Whether it's watching a 40-year-old man's eyes light up when he hits a shot or seeing a team of professional athletes rush a kicker who just got them in to the Superbowl (yes, I watched the Saints game today. Still going to be cheering on the Colts though) there's just something fascinating to me about sports.
I don't play basketball much anymore -to be honest, I was a pretty average player in my opinion but I got a lot of playing time and had fun - but that's how I feel when I play volleyball. I love it when a hitter smashes a good set or I make a tough save. Sometimes my competitive nature gets in the way and I lose sight of why I still play, but one play can put things into perspective.
With sports media, pros dating pop stars and actresses, trade deadlines, steroids and salary hassles it's sometimes difficult to remember why we even watch in the first place. It's easy to get frustrated with the pro sports world and to even want to stop watching. But then those magic moments happen and all the other stuff goes away. You see these professional athletes become that old man who is happy making one basket or the 10-year-old who wanted to do their favorite thing for the rest of his/her life.
Watching that man reminded me of that. I don't know if there was a real point to all of this other than sometimes I get inspiration from unexpected places. I'd been sitting on the bench for almost 3-hours when I saw him play and it just made me smile. It made me smile and I wanted to write it down.
'Nuff Said,
Crysania
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Empowered ... or Something
So this weekend we decided to take on a few projects at the house. One of them is to fix my room now that my niece is also living in it.
My room isn't very big and having two females share it has made it feel like living in a box, so I knew we needed ways to create more space. The "bookshelf" in my room was actually a bar my mom's uncle had made that my grandma didn't want us to get rid of ... but the thing was huge so I knew getting a thinner but taller bookcase would help. We also needed something to put my niece's clothes in (the ones that don't fit in the closet have been in a giant duffle bag for 2 months). So off my mom and I went to Target.
We initially went just for a small storage bin or something for the clothes but found a good size bookshelf and a clothes cabinet ... and they were on sale. The bookshelf I wanted from Ikea was $60 ... for the booksheld and the cabinet it was $58. I love you Target.
The only problem was ... both required assembly. So with my dad doing his garage project, my brother cleaning out his room and my other brother still asleep after working until 6 am, I decided to put together the bookcase myself.
My niece was proud of me because I always say there are three things I don't do because guys can do them: take out the trash (except at work), kill bugs and build/move furniture. She says it's "anti-feminist" of me ... I say trash smells, bugs creep me out and I'd really rather not do heavy lifting. I don't think it is an "anti-feminist" sentiment or that I'm personally sending women back hundreds of years - I have 3 brothers and a dad who have always done those things; and, to be honest, I don't like them. If they will do it, I say let them.
Anyways, after taking about an hour to get half the bookcase finished I called my friend Ben. He's a good friend (also dating my best friend) who I know is good at the "handy work" stuff, and I realized that building both the bookcase and the cabinet was going to ruin my entire Saturday. My niece laughed when Ben came over on his lunch to help out.
I was pretty much finished with the bookcase but I had piece on upside down so Ben quickly fixed it and started on the cabinet while I nailed in the back of the bookcase. In about 30 minutes he was about 60% done when he found a broken piece on the door and couldn't finish. My mom took the cabinet back and got a new one. Ben went out with Kristin, I went to Chili's and had cocktails with my sister ... at least the bookshelf got done. I'd cut myself, cursed a little and was tired but I defeated the bookcase.
Ben said he'd probably come over and make the cabinet after church ... well I had the kids in the nursery this week so I wouldn't have seen him and he ended up at work. After I got home I sent him a text but got no response, so I figured if I could put together a bookshelf I could put together a cabinet. It couldn't be any harder than the bookcase.
I started before I had to leave for softball practice and by the time I left (about an hour and 15 minutes later) ... I'd put in 4 screws. This was not easy.
The bookcase had all the parts labeled and all the screws and stuff separated and labeled ... the cabinet did not. All the screws, nails, and hinge things were in one bag, the directions were harder to follow, I had to make my own holes for the magnetic hinges, none of the shelves were labeled and I don't have any power tools. I don't know how Ben had moved so quickly with just a hammer and a screw driver but I was struggling.
I got home from practice around 5 determined to slay the cabinet monster. 2 hours later Ben sent me a text telling me his phone had died and he'd heard from Kristin about my struggle (she plays on the softball team too) and offered to help. For once, I declined. Even though I was sore from practice, my back was starting to hurt and I had made one of those hinge holes on the wrong side of the door, I was close to being finished. I'm competitive ... shotty work or not I wanted to be able to say I did this myself ... I did't even mind admitting that I put a hole in the wrong side of the door.
Another hour later I hammered the last nail and made my niece carry her new cabinet into our room. My niece laughed at the length of time it took me and at the number of times I hammered myself instead of the nails but she also said I should feel proud and asked if I was empowered by my accomplishment.
I rolled my eyes. My bad shoulder was killing me, my back hurt, I was tired, I wanted to smash my new creation for the tedious job of making my own holes in the doors, I was pretty sure I had bruised a finger and it took me 4 hours and 20 minutes to do a job Ben could've done in an hour ... I was not empowered by my accomplishment; I was tired and sore from it. I told her it was good but next time I was going to call a guy; she rolled her eyes.
I mostly said it to mess with her, but I probably meant it. Making a cabinet and a bookcase in a weekend by myself was nice. I did feel good about doing something myself and overcoming a struggle with something new, but now that I've had the experience ... well, I'm over it.
I know I can build something on my own, I will treasure that knowledge and feel good that I don't need to call someone to do it for me ... still, if a guy is available to build a cabinet or a bookcase faster (and probably better, honestly) I'm going to let him.
I don't know if that's empowerment or not, but it is what it is.
'Nuff said,
Crysania
My room isn't very big and having two females share it has made it feel like living in a box, so I knew we needed ways to create more space. The "bookshelf" in my room was actually a bar my mom's uncle had made that my grandma didn't want us to get rid of ... but the thing was huge so I knew getting a thinner but taller bookcase would help. We also needed something to put my niece's clothes in (the ones that don't fit in the closet have been in a giant duffle bag for 2 months). So off my mom and I went to Target.
We initially went just for a small storage bin or something for the clothes but found a good size bookshelf and a clothes cabinet ... and they were on sale. The bookshelf I wanted from Ikea was $60 ... for the booksheld and the cabinet it was $58. I love you Target.
The only problem was ... both required assembly. So with my dad doing his garage project, my brother cleaning out his room and my other brother still asleep after working until 6 am, I decided to put together the bookcase myself.
My niece was proud of me because I always say there are three things I don't do because guys can do them: take out the trash (except at work), kill bugs and build/move furniture. She says it's "anti-feminist" of me ... I say trash smells, bugs creep me out and I'd really rather not do heavy lifting. I don't think it is an "anti-feminist" sentiment or that I'm personally sending women back hundreds of years - I have 3 brothers and a dad who have always done those things; and, to be honest, I don't like them. If they will do it, I say let them.
Anyways, after taking about an hour to get half the bookcase finished I called my friend Ben. He's a good friend (also dating my best friend) who I know is good at the "handy work" stuff, and I realized that building both the bookcase and the cabinet was going to ruin my entire Saturday. My niece laughed when Ben came over on his lunch to help out.
I was pretty much finished with the bookcase but I had piece on upside down so Ben quickly fixed it and started on the cabinet while I nailed in the back of the bookcase. In about 30 minutes he was about 60% done when he found a broken piece on the door and couldn't finish. My mom took the cabinet back and got a new one. Ben went out with Kristin, I went to Chili's and had cocktails with my sister ... at least the bookshelf got done. I'd cut myself, cursed a little and was tired but I defeated the bookcase.
Ben said he'd probably come over and make the cabinet after church ... well I had the kids in the nursery this week so I wouldn't have seen him and he ended up at work. After I got home I sent him a text but got no response, so I figured if I could put together a bookshelf I could put together a cabinet. It couldn't be any harder than the bookcase.
I started before I had to leave for softball practice and by the time I left (about an hour and 15 minutes later) ... I'd put in 4 screws. This was not easy.
The bookcase had all the parts labeled and all the screws and stuff separated and labeled ... the cabinet did not. All the screws, nails, and hinge things were in one bag, the directions were harder to follow, I had to make my own holes for the magnetic hinges, none of the shelves were labeled and I don't have any power tools. I don't know how Ben had moved so quickly with just a hammer and a screw driver but I was struggling.
I got home from practice around 5 determined to slay the cabinet monster. 2 hours later Ben sent me a text telling me his phone had died and he'd heard from Kristin about my struggle (she plays on the softball team too) and offered to help. For once, I declined. Even though I was sore from practice, my back was starting to hurt and I had made one of those hinge holes on the wrong side of the door, I was close to being finished. I'm competitive ... shotty work or not I wanted to be able to say I did this myself ... I did't even mind admitting that I put a hole in the wrong side of the door.
Another hour later I hammered the last nail and made my niece carry her new cabinet into our room. My niece laughed at the length of time it took me and at the number of times I hammered myself instead of the nails but she also said I should feel proud and asked if I was empowered by my accomplishment.
I rolled my eyes. My bad shoulder was killing me, my back hurt, I was tired, I wanted to smash my new creation for the tedious job of making my own holes in the doors, I was pretty sure I had bruised a finger and it took me 4 hours and 20 minutes to do a job Ben could've done in an hour ... I was not empowered by my accomplishment; I was tired and sore from it. I told her it was good but next time I was going to call a guy; she rolled her eyes.
I mostly said it to mess with her, but I probably meant it. Making a cabinet and a bookcase in a weekend by myself was nice. I did feel good about doing something myself and overcoming a struggle with something new, but now that I've had the experience ... well, I'm over it.
I know I can build something on my own, I will treasure that knowledge and feel good that I don't need to call someone to do it for me ... still, if a guy is available to build a cabinet or a bookcase faster (and probably better, honestly) I'm going to let him.
I don't know if that's empowerment or not, but it is what it is.
'Nuff said,
Crysania
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010 ... Still Feels Like 2009
Happy New Year!
The holidays really went by quickly this year. Part of that is thanks to the fact that I got a job after 6 annoying months without one and I'm pretty sure the other reason is that I had a good time. Christmas in particular is always rough for my family but this year we seemed to be able to enjoy it despite missing my brother.
I've really never been "into" New Year's for some reason. Even when I've been to big parties and stuff it's never been a big deal. I think it's because I don't treat the New Year any differently than the last one. I don't make resolutions or do anything different other than have some more to drink depending on who I'm with and sending a few people a text message.
However, in light of some recent events, I'd like to set a few goals for 2010. If I think of any more I'll probably add them, but I just want a few to get me going. I'm hoping writing them down motivates me to keep them. I've never really done resolutions because I think they're generally stupid and will be broken, but I'll give it a shot.
These are in no order of importance.
#1. See Muse in concert.
I've liked Muse ever since I first heard them in 2004 (maybe the beginning of '05 now that I think about it) but I've never seen them. They've become one of my favorite bands and I adore their music so I really, really want to see them. The fact that I haven't seen them yet and a few people I introduced to their music have is just getting sadder by the day.
#2. Write again.
Find a journalism/media relations/writing/copy editing job or internship! Even if I have to keep this part time job, I want to do that.
#3. Not fret so much on the small things.
This one will be very difficult to keep because I internalize and make little things bigger than they are. But if some of the changes that seem to be coming really do arrive, I will need to work on this.
#4. Expand my reading.
I like to read but the past couple years haven't been doing as much good reading as I'd like. I'd like to read more interalcultural studies books, world religion books and books on musicians ... and not pick up as much manga.
#5. Stay Active.
Lots of people say this at the beginning of the year but I'm going to say it anyways. In the past year, I've gotten a gym membership, been playing in a couple volleyball leagues and will be playing co-ed softball Friday nights starting at the end of the month so I want to continue doing things like this and not let my incredible laziness get the best of me.
#6. Save Money.
At a part time job this is going to be hard but my aunt has created an Ireland fund I've yet to contribute too. If the teaching job in Japan I've been wanting works out I'll also need money for the the first couple months. My biggest enemy is going to be eating out ... and Dodger season ... and concerts ... and clothes.
# 7. Reach Out at Church
I realize a big problem with how I feel sometimes at church is that I don't take the first step. Most people who could possibly help, or are somewhat hurting me most likely don't even know it because I never say anything.
That's all I can think of right now. If anyone has any good ones or suggestions I'd like to hear them. In the mean time I'll try to think of a couple more - I'd like to get to 10 or 12.
'Nuff Said,
Crysania
The holidays really went by quickly this year. Part of that is thanks to the fact that I got a job after 6 annoying months without one and I'm pretty sure the other reason is that I had a good time. Christmas in particular is always rough for my family but this year we seemed to be able to enjoy it despite missing my brother.
I've really never been "into" New Year's for some reason. Even when I've been to big parties and stuff it's never been a big deal. I think it's because I don't treat the New Year any differently than the last one. I don't make resolutions or do anything different other than have some more to drink depending on who I'm with and sending a few people a text message.
However, in light of some recent events, I'd like to set a few goals for 2010. If I think of any more I'll probably add them, but I just want a few to get me going. I'm hoping writing them down motivates me to keep them. I've never really done resolutions because I think they're generally stupid and will be broken, but I'll give it a shot.
These are in no order of importance.
#1. See Muse in concert.
I've liked Muse ever since I first heard them in 2004 (maybe the beginning of '05 now that I think about it) but I've never seen them. They've become one of my favorite bands and I adore their music so I really, really want to see them. The fact that I haven't seen them yet and a few people I introduced to their music have is just getting sadder by the day.
#2. Write again.
Find a journalism/media relations/writing/copy editing job or internship! Even if I have to keep this part time job, I want to do that.
#3. Not fret so much on the small things.
This one will be very difficult to keep because I internalize and make little things bigger than they are. But if some of the changes that seem to be coming really do arrive, I will need to work on this.
#4. Expand my reading.
I like to read but the past couple years haven't been doing as much good reading as I'd like. I'd like to read more interalcultural studies books, world religion books and books on musicians ... and not pick up as much manga.
#5. Stay Active.
Lots of people say this at the beginning of the year but I'm going to say it anyways. In the past year, I've gotten a gym membership, been playing in a couple volleyball leagues and will be playing co-ed softball Friday nights starting at the end of the month so I want to continue doing things like this and not let my incredible laziness get the best of me.
#6. Save Money.
At a part time job this is going to be hard but my aunt has created an Ireland fund I've yet to contribute too. If the teaching job in Japan I've been wanting works out I'll also need money for the the first couple months. My biggest enemy is going to be eating out ... and Dodger season ... and concerts ... and clothes.
# 7. Reach Out at Church
I realize a big problem with how I feel sometimes at church is that I don't take the first step. Most people who could possibly help, or are somewhat hurting me most likely don't even know it because I never say anything.
That's all I can think of right now. If anyone has any good ones or suggestions I'd like to hear them. In the mean time I'll try to think of a couple more - I'd like to get to 10 or 12.
'Nuff Said,
Crysania
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