There's Still a Long Way to Go

Being in Japan for nearly two months has taught me many things. Things like living on your own does not change your clumsiness, grocery shopping is difficult when you can't exactly tell what your buying, and knowing how to cook and wanting to cook are two totally different things.

But, recently, the biggest thing I've learned is that, in some ways I'm not a grown up at all. I'm not talking about the "kid" in me that makes it easy to relate to elementary school kids or the fact that I like that I get to watch One Piece and Detective Conan on TV. I mean the I don't have the experience that makes me a good "adult".

I chose this picture because it has Ace and Zoro in it and they were my favorite characters when I started watching. I moved to Japan to find out my favorite, Ace, just died ... SAD DAY! I don't know if I wanna catch up to where they are now ... on the plus side though Ace is more popular in Japan and "One Piece" is still huge here and I can actually find Ace goodies! It was difficult in America. If Zoro dies, I may give up on anime, my favorite characters have that habit.

I don't think I've spent my money all that wisely, I get nervous easily and there have been times when I should've spoken up but didn't when it came to taking control of situations. There are many things I've never had to handle on my own before and handling them for the first time while adding language barriers has made me realized I was sheltered and more unreliable then I had thought.

Despite knowing how to do things on my own, I've relied on my family for a lot of help all my life. If I was low on cash I knew I could count on them for gas money or go places with friends. When I was down or lonely I could call someone and change my mood. I've relied on others more than I'd like to admit.

I'm changing but there's a long way to go. I realize that I'm a bit naive and don't have the best self-control; even now I've relied on my parents to help by sending things, but I'm doing my best to do things myself and rely on God more than others.

I don't know where I'm headed yet as a person but I know that, right now, I'm heading in the right direction.

In other news, I was informed the quote I posted last time was not 100% MLK so I've taken out the line that was under debate. Still, I think a challenge to not even celebrate the death of an enemy is a good one.

That's all for now.

'Nuff Said,
Crysania

I Guess I'm Just Weird ...

So after I got home yesterday my allergies were bugging me. I put a hot towel over my eyes (see doctor? I listen sometimes) ... and fell asleep. Roughly 45 minutes later I woke and turned on the news - there was a special on Ryo Ishikawa visiting some camps people are still living in after the earthquake and tusnami up north. I logged on to Facebook and discovered Osama bin Ladin had been killed. "And?"

I didn't rejoice. I didn't fist-pump or jump out of my chair (like I did when I watched Andre Ethier move his hit-streak to 26); I just sat there and scrolled through the hundreds of posts I'd missed throughout the day. And ... I'm quite disappointed, even annoyed, with more than a few of them.

Maybe I'm just weird ... maybe I'm a California hippie (though, really, I'm not), maybe I'm an un-American, non-patriotic, wimp. I don't know. What I do know is the reactions of my "social circle" and of other Christians surprised me.

Around 2 weeks before I turned 20 my brother was killed in Iraq ... not Afghanistan or Pakistan. My brother and the thousands of other people there were not looking for Osama bin Ladin, in fact, they weren't even looking for Sadam Hussein anymore. And I can honestly say that when I found out it was a remote IED that some bastard had pulled the trigger on ... I hated that man.

I mean, really hated him. As far as I was concerned a coward hid and watched a convoy of trucks then randomly decided the one my brother was in was the one he'd hit the button on. I hated that man. I had never in my life wanted one person to die, to suffer so much.

And that was wrong. I hope I never hate like that again.

Not only does the Bible teach us to love out enemies, bless them that curse us and pray for those who mistreat us (Luke 6:27-28), but when I found out that man had been captured ... I didn't feel any better. My brother was still dead and there were still people losing soldiers daily. I had been selfish and childish; I had let a horrible, disgusting hate rest in my soul. I tried to tell myself that I felt justified, but I just felt wrong.

I still don't understand, really, why my brother was in Iraq but I want to believe there was a real purpose behind it. I do know he wasn't looking for Osama bin Ladin.

I don't think Osama bin Ladin was a good person. He hid and sent others to go out and kill for his hatred and he plotted a horrible act against America on 9/11/01. I remember it. I was getting out of the shower when the first plane hit and no one knew why yet ... I remember the fear and the pain of watching those people. I remember the aftermath. But killing Osama bin Ladin doesn't seem to do much but satisfy our childish, selfish thinking that we deserve this retaliation. That perpetuating hate and celebrating in the streets over some asshole's death is a good thing.

I don't get it.

Osama bin Ladin is dead ... but it didn't bring back my brother. It didn't bring back the Twin Towers, and it hasn't put an end to Al Queda.

Maybe I'm disconnected. Maybe I'm confused. Maybe I should hang an American flag and my brother's plaid shirt outside my window and play the national anthem. Again, I don't know. But I don't think many of the things I've read on Facebook are right.

I believe my God is a just God. I believe there is justice and that it will come to us all, but I don't think we need to celebrate that and say some truly stupid crap on the internet. I do love my country, being in another has made me realize how much I love the variety of California and America but the death of one man, no matter how bad, is just the death of one man.

If I'm wrong tell me, but be nice ... because I really don't get it.

I do like this quote someone posted on their Facebook though:

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that"
— Martin Luther King Jr.

'Nuff Said,
Crysania